1000 songs and a one-track mind filed in Goo

We all know that memes are stupid. Especially krissa

1. What do you think of me, Random Music Player?
In Your Honor - Foo Fighters.
In your honour, I would die tonight? I'm quite flattered.

2. Will I have a happy life?
Babies - Pulp
That's really not funny.

3. What do my friends really think of me?
The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash
Either they think I'm a religious nut, or they believe I'm going to get my come-uppance.

4. What does my S.O. think of me?
In the yard behind the church - Eels
Strangely appropriate. Go Team Uborka!

5. Do people secretly lust after me?
A Private Interlude - Groove Armada
No lyrics. The less said the better.

6. How can I make myself happy?
You Come Through - PJ Harvey
I think this is referring back to Q4.

7. What should I do with my life?
Oh My Lover - PJ Harvey
This I have to disagree with. Less of the whiny goth please, Mr iPod.

8. Why must life be so full of pain?
Wind Up - Foo Fighters
It surely is.

9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Vibrate - Rufus Wainwright
I'm not kidding. This really is what it told me. Sorry Pete.

10. Can you give me some advice?
Ovary Stripe - Kasabian
From this we conclude that whenever the iPod can't think of a clever answer, it comes up with an instrumental. This may be some sort of advice about fertility.

11. What do you think happiness is?
This Is Hardcore - Pulp
I think my iPod might be slightly kinky.

12. Do you have any advice to give over the next few hours/days?
Summer Skin - Death Cab for Cutie
Either it's telling me to make hay while the sun shines, or to go skinny dipping.

13. Will I die happy?
Brick - Ben Folds Five
Apparently I'm going to drown.

In conclusion, an iPod is not a toy.