Prior to giving birth, I got all opinionated about three things in particular, and was quite cross each time someone told me that I was being naive or idealistic in my expectations. Bernard is now seven weeks old, and giggling in his sleep in the baby carrier on my chest, so I have the chance to report back on the Doom and Gloom Triumvirate: Intervention, Formula and Disposables.
This will probably sound all smug, but I am actually writing it down for your information; here are some things that worked for me. And in case you were thinking of saying I told you so.
Intervention
So, as planned, I went without. This is of course largely down to luck, but I did as much as I could to bring that luck about. Apart from not getting a waterbirth, I got precisely the birth I wanted: no induction, no pain relief other than TENS and Entonox, no forceps, ventouse, episiotomy or emergency caesarian. I had a very short labour, and as far as pain relief goes, I don’t think I was ever really tested. Sure, I reached a point where I didn’t believe I could take any more, but the ace team that was Pete and my midwife kept me going with encouragement and good feedback about how it was all going down there.
I attribute my good delivery to three things:
- Perineal massage: lots of ladies find this an embarrassing thing to discuss, let alone do. They certainly wouldn’t let their partners near their rear end with a bottle of baby oil. Which strikes me as odd, because if they’re considering it, then they are probably pregnant, and one wonders exactly how that came about if they don’t like having their boyfriends or husbands looking at their bits. I’m here to tell you to do it, and do it now [if you're pregnant]. Look at me: first degree tear, no stitches. That’s what you’re aiming for.
- Raspberry Leaf – in the form of tea, tincture or tablets; I tried all three. The tea is horrible, and I don’t recommend that, but the tincture you can get from Neal’s Yard. It is supposed to tone your uterine muscles and make your contractions more effective. There isn’t much scientific evidence that this works, but we got a good result with it, so it’s worth a go.
- Giving birth at a midwife-led birth centre rather than a hospital. The statistics suggest that if you stay away from surgeons, then you avoid surgery. The midwife who looked after us was superb; in fact, she refused to give me syntometrine to help deliver the placenta, because my birth plan said I didn’t want it. Yes, by that stage, I did request the drugs; didn’t get them, though.
Disposables
In the first few weeks, we used an eco-disposable nappy, and two packs of standard nappies from Boots or Pampers or someone, which Pete’s mum kept bringing us as “presents.” The eco nappies are grey and chunky, and actually only decompose efficiently in a wormery, so we didn’t really do much in the cause of landfill; however, they are manufactured with fewer chemicals, so they do still have some sustainability points, and at least we weren’t clothing our baby’s bits in bleached paper.
Once we used up most of the disposables, we switched to Tots Bots’ Fluffles, which are, as the name suggests, delightfully fluffy. It is so much nicer to wrap the soft gentle towelly stuff around the beautiful soft babybotty. We have a flushable paper liner to deal with the majority of the yellow stuff, and prefer cotton wool and water over impregnated baby wipes. Yes, we now have to do laundry every day instead of every other day, but once we get a machine with a half-load function, this will improve a bit.
While using disposable nappies, our household waste went from one bag a fortnight to two bags a week. The entire set of washable nappies cost around £200, which I reckon is about four months’ worth of disposables, but perhaps this could be verified by a disposable-using reader.
Formula
Breastfeeding has been hard, no doubt about it. It all seems so simple: stick nipple in baby’s mouth, baby feeds. But no. Not all babies are good at getting the right amount of breast into their mouth; this is called a Bad Latch, and is quite common. With a little assistance, the mum and baby can usually learn what to do quite quickly, and then, apparently, breastfeeding becomes enjoyable. Alternatively, you can get all kinds of nonsense advice, and end up with hundreds of alternative suggestions, and no attention being paid to the problematic latch. If there’s one thing I have learned from this, it’s to pay no attention to the experts, and trust what I know.
I am now very well-read on the subject of breastfeeding, such that my fellow newmums have started asking me about problems of supply, and green nappies. I know a lot of stuff, but for me, breastfeeding still hurts, and it shouldn’t. I know that it doesn’t have to hurt, because ONCE, Bernard latched correctly, and we fed without pain, even on a bruised, battered and blistered nipple. Once in seven weeks.
Bernard gets weighed regularly and is gaining weight consistently, so although it hurts, he is getting enough of the right sort of milk. To my surprise, no-one has yet suggested that we supplement with formula, and the longer we struggle on, the harder it becomes to switch, which is a good thing; why would we go through all of this only to give up? Some nights I crawl into bed and ask Pete to be strong for me, when I want to give up breastfeeding because it hurts so much. Other days I can remember to be strong for myself, and for Bernard: pain and sleep are short term inconveniences; health, intelligence, and lack of allergies are long term goals. I can do this.
I just wanted to tell you that I love this post. I have so enjoyed reading your Blog.
My husband and I are hoping to start our family in another year or so and I feel as though I’m becoming obsessed with reading all I can about pregnancy, parenthood etc. Reading blogs really brings things into perspective and just feel so honest.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Malinda Canada
For your price comparison: Tesco (or Sainsbury) own-brand nappies (which serve us very well) – £6.97 for a pack of 54.
Fifty-four nappies at Tom’s current rate of usage equate to around nine days supply (he uses 6 most days, but occasionally more). So, £200 would buy around 1500 nappies or 250 days supply – just over eight months. Clearly, the amount of nappies used will vary from child to child and day to day. When Tom was younger, he used more than 6 per day – I think we peaked at 12 a day when he was new, but that fell away rapidly around the third month. Reckoning that 1500 nappies would only last 200 days, I estimate that we currently spend £1 per day on disposable nappies.
As a reusable user, can you give an estimate of the cost in energy, detergent and time for them per week? I’m not trying to score points, but am interested in a meaningful comparison, as Hels and I very seriously considered using them for Tom. (I think, based on our experience, that disposables turned out to be right for us). Also, are you using all the original nappies or have you had to discard/replace any? If not, are they showing signs of wear and tear or have they withstood the rigours of BernardPoo well?
Forgot to add – the size we currently use come in packs of 54. The younger/smaller ones are packed in 62s for the same price.
I will have to get back to you on energy costs; you are right, we need that information for a meaningful comparison. As far as wear and tear is concerned, the nappies are still pretty much as new and I anticipate them having some second hand value as well, which we could take into consideration.
We are now doing laundry two days on, one day off, and it might reduce a little bit further. I should add that we will have to invest in the larger size of nappies when Bernard gets a bit bigger, but that’s a while of yet, as he remains the runt of the party. The adorable little runt, that is.
Cost aside, the landfill issue was very important to us, and having used disposables for the first three weeks or so, I feel much happier putting the chemical-free soft cloth nappies on his bottom, so this is definitely what works for me. And the extra bulk makes him easier to handle!!
…and, of course, there are reams of very valid reasons for using reusables regardless of cost.
Anyway, good to know that Bernard is doing well. That’s the most important thing.
No doubt about it: disposables will cost considerably more in the long term (2.5 years).
http://www.wen.org.uk/nappies/cost_comparison.htm
By the way, you’re right about this sounding smug – also a little judgemental: saying that you’re (admirably) persisting with the discomfort of breastfeeding because “health, intelligence and lack of allergies” are long term goals almost implies that those who choose formula for whatever reason don’t have similar goals. It also implies that a breastfed baby will not be prone to allergies which is quite obviously not guaranteed to be true.
And while it’s great that you had a birth that went to plan, luck does play a large part in it. New mothers (especially those I’ve spoken to who had to have emergency ceseareans) sometimes feel guilty enough as it is without needing to feel like it was their fault because they didn’t prepare enough.
Also, if you’re going to post about things like this “for.. information” then it might be an idea to explain, for example, why you didn’t want to have Syntometrine and perhaps point people in the direction of the pros of having it too.
No, really, this post isn’t intended as judgement on anyone else. I’m not justifying my persistence in breastfeeding (that would be crazy); I’m telling you how I keep myself going. I’m offering what I think might be useful information on preparing for birth; this information is given routinely in antenatal classes – shame on them for trying to make people feel guilty! It’s rather sad that it’s not acceptable for me to speak of my good birth experience.
Here is some information about syntometrine.
Sorry – I sounded harsher than I meant to. I know you’re not judging and I know it’s useful to share information too – goodness knows we did our best to find everything out. It’s just suprising how much misinformation and predujice is around – especially concerning breastfeeding (from both sides).
For example, even though we weaned the hatchling onto formula at 9 weeks, I still found myself having a stand up row with someone in the pub about how women who breastfeed in public places. She said she asked someone to go find somewhere private. I told her she was a stupid, predujiced, ignorant cow.
I can’t imagine why she doesn’t talk to me now.
I’m really interested in your comments about nappies. I’ve always planned on using “proper” nappies when I have children. I’m now expecting my first child in January and so I’m looking into the best types of nappies and find your comments really useful. All my friends have used disposable nappies so I can’t get any advice from them and to make matters worse I live in Italy where it is almost impossible to find them.
When I was in England a couple of weeks ago I looked at the terry and muslin squares in Mothercare (on the advice of my mother as that is what she used for me and my brother). I’ve also had a look at the Tots Bots site. What size did you buy for Bernard? And how many did you buy? I know that my mother bought two dozen nappies when I was born and they were also used for my brother a couple of years later without having to be replenished.
Thank you for all the information you’ve posted and congratulations on having such a lovely baby!
Phew! I hate feeling like I’ve offended someone. If it’s any consolation, my two closest newmum friends both had emergency caesarians, don’t feel bad about it, but do like to come over all smug about the fact that they cracked breastfeeding and I didn’t, therefore in the nicest possible way, I got my comeuppance for the perfect birth.
I bought 16 washable nappies in size one. 12 of them are fluffles, and 4 are bamboozles (more absorbent, take longer to dry, good for nights). I’m using their disposable liners, but considering washable fleece liners for nights. I also have about 6 nappy wraps of various makes, all of which came from ebay. I’m finding the quantity is perfect; at first we were washing every day, now we have a day off from laundry once or twice a week. The lead time for delivery was quite long, so if you’re ordering online I would get on with it!