There are many different styles of visit: long visits, short visits, welcome visits, inconvenient visits, visits accompanied by daft plastic tat, and visits accompanied by pie. This post, by the way, is dedicated to Pix.
Good gifts: All gifts will, of course, be gratefully received; even unwanted ones such as a burberry baby carrier can eventually go the way of ebay, raising revenue for something more useful. Some gifts are better than others, though, and the first thing to bear in mind is that prospective parents will already have provided themselves with most of the things they need, since they have known for almost a year that they are having a baby.
This means that the most useful things you can give are consumable things: cotton wool, nappy wipes, a tube of lansinoh, which is very expensive, and very very essential; breast pads, vaseline, or a pack of muslins, which are not disposable, but you really can’t have too many.
Clothing The thing is, you go into Mothercare to buy a present, and you are confronted with all the beautiful, tiny pairs of shoes. The cute outfits are all at the front of the store, and the useful consumables are at the back, so the giftbuyer never makes it as far as the vaseline. It’s just such a shame to receive all these beautiful clothes in newborn sizes when it is so hot that the baby is only wearing nappies, and has grown out of newborn by the time the heatwave is over. Also, babies who wear cloth nappies have bigger bottoms than disposable-wearers, which confuses the issue further.
Food If you turn up bearing pie, you will be most welcome. Any food that can be left in the fridge and picked at or heated up whenever there’s a free moment will be received with gratitude. Cake less so. It was heartbreaking to have to throw away so much sweet stuff that we never got round to eating, and always forgot to get out when we had visitors. Ironically, those GOOD visitors who made their own cups of tea didn’t know about the cake, so were less likely to be offered it.
If you are prepared to cook a decent meal, or even just plate up a salad, so much the better. New parents don’t seem to have a moment to think, never mind feed themselves; they also have to take care of and feed a tiny helpless human being, whilst surviving on minimal sleep. You will be loved forever if you buy and cook steak and chips. And do the washing up.
Chores The new parents sit with their guests, painfully aware of the dust on the coffee table and the crumbs on the carpet, and the fact that the bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in over a week. The guests say, is there anything I can do? The new parents don’t like to ask their guests to get the vacuum cleaner out. So don’t ask, just do it! Just take one little chore: empty the bins, or hang out the laundry, or throw out some of the dead flowers. It will take five minutes of your time, but that’s five minutes that the new parents just can’t find.
Needless to say, the longer you plan to stay, the more chores you should do.
Holding the baby As long as this isn’t the only thing you do, then baby-holding is useful. But don’t just hold the baby so that mum can run around doing chores; let her go for a shower or a nap. Contrary to what some grandmothers seem to believe, babies are not sideshows put on the earth purely for your entertainment; they are drainingly ravenous unsleeping terrifying little pieces of life, and sometimes we want you to hold them while we take a break, and other times we want to hold them while you help us out, and you just have to go with us on this one. Most points go to the visitor who takes the baby for a nappy change, simply because this isn’t necessarily something the parent feels that only they can do properly, so there are no trust or confidence issues involved. Once you have demonstrated competence at baby-holding, the new parents should be happy to hand him over as soon as you walk through the door.
Advice At your peril.
But if you can offer support and encouragement, and not dismiss the parents’ anxieties as silly, that’s a different thing entirely.
I concur.
I can also recommend the advice given to us (prior to the birth) – when visitors come round, don’t get out of your dressing gown. If you look like you’re receiving guests, your guests will expect to be treated as such and won’t bother making their own tea.
All useful advice – they should give out leaflets to childless people whose friends have just had babies, with this kind of thing on them!
I am very much a “make my own tea” type of person whether there’s a new baby around or not – I don’t expect to be waited on. When my brother and his wife had their first, I sent them upstairs to rest and left a big pot of beef casserole simmering on the stove (it was winter, by the way!).
Pie – sweet or savoury?
Oh.
Well, we’ll know better for next time, then.
Sorry, poppets.
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