I can barely remember the weekend. I think that was when Bernard’s granny came to spend the day stimulating him and depriving him of sleep. She mentioned that asking her to assist with nappy changes was a violation of her human rights, or something.
On Monday morning, he was weighed and found wanting. The midwife refused to discharge him, because he had apparently put on only 10g in 4 days. He is supposed to put on at least 100g a week. Monday was, therefore, a miserable day, spent mostly in bed feeding him up.
On Tuesday we registered the birth, and had him weighed again on a different set of scales. This time he showed a reasonable weight gain, making us wonder if the scales at the clinic were wrong. So that was an up day.
We met our health visitor for the first time on Wednesday. She is lovely, as are most of the professionals we have dealt with since the birth. They all admire Bernard and tell us how beautiful and healthy he looks. We also took him to the breastfeeding clinic at the hospital, where he managed to latch on properly and had a good feed. Unfortunately that evening he produced a series of green nappies, rather than the healthy yellow we had been enjoying until now. Panicked calls to the NCT breastfeeding line. Anxious night.
Back to the baby clinic on Thursday, where the scales showed another decent weight gain. All the empirical evidence is that there is nothing at all wrong with this baby; doesn’t stop us from worrying ourselves sleepless about him. Award for the world’s most neurotic parents definitely goes to us. In addition, he seems to have a cold, which means he wakes up very congested and sounds like he has difficulty breathing.
Yesterday he had another official weighing, and was finally discharged. The midwife also changed his nappy for us, and told us that the green indicates he is in fact overfeeding. The monster. The little menace. But now we’re on to his game, and the new strategy is to relax, to feed him as demanded but not force expressed top-ups into him; and to spend time talking and playing and cuddling, not just fretting over him. The midwife banned us from getting him weighed every other day; she seems to find this an unhealthy fixation.
Now we consider that the feeding thing is cracked, and feel pretty pleased with it. We are also seeing some sort of pattern, at least at night time. We usually get a couple of batches of three hours’ sleep, and if I take him downstairs for at least one of the night feeds, then Pete gets a reasonably good night. In return, he usually minds Bernard at key points during the day, allowing me to nap, take a shower, express some milk, and occasionally check my email.
Our next project is to teach him to sleep in his cot. Currently he falls asleep after feeding, but as soon as he is transferred to the cot, wakes right back up again. We end up co-sleeping, which means he is in the bed with us, and I stay on amber-alert all night listening to him and Pete snoring in stereo. I understand that the cot is cold and not as soft as my arms, and doesn’t smell of mummy (i.e. milky sweat), but I do really want him to sleep there anyway, so that I can switch off too.
Interesting. I had mine in the bed with me and I was much more relaxed. At least you can hear them breathing, as opposed to lying even less asleep straining to hear them if they’re further away. Do you have empirical evidence that you would switch off if he was in the cot? Also feeding at night is much less hassle. No need to get up fully awake. I think Pete needs to go and sleep elsewhere for a bit rather than you having to move around the house with a baby… how does that sound?
I have this theory that all baby mammals hang round their mothers for a certain period of time 24 hours a day when they’re very small. (Can you think of one that doesn’t?) and the human mammal is probably little different. But obviously most people’s milage (in the developed world) varies from mine
Hmm. We were told that it was a very bad idea to sleep with the baby as the parents are naturally exhausted and it is easy to roll on top of the poor little mite with disastrous consequences. Sorry if that gives you something more to worry about.
A cot might be too big and scary. Tom went to sleep in a Moses basket, which was more snug and warm, right from the very first day. That was positioned alongside the bed on my side, and I found that I could hear both his regular breathing (little sighs) and the first murmurings when he wanted attention before they developed into a full-blown rant. You do tend to be like a coiled spring, this is normal. Ater five weeks, he graduated to his cot (and had almost outgrown his basket).
As a suggestion, why not stretch an unwashed nightdress that you’ve worn over the mattress in his cot so that he has something close to his skin that smells of you. Don’t put it in the cot loose, for obvious reasons. It just might help.
Pour a few drops of breast milk in Bernard’s nose when it’s congested – works like a charm!
I was like gB, mine was quite happy sleeping in the cot but I was the one who ended up with no sleep at all that way because i woke up to check he was still breathing a gazillion times a night. When he was next to me i could feel/sense his breathing and all was well. Guess that puts me up there with the neurotics too.
Graybo: actually the evidence, if you separate out those parents who were drunk/drugged/ill/on the sofa, all of which are definite contra-indications, shows that co-sleeping is quite safe. I have references and books by the score: let me know if you are interested and I’ll share. Glad it’s going so well Karen: neurotic parenting is absolutely the norm to begin with! It will pass.
I’ll bet you’re glad you mentioned that whole sleeping thing now aren’t you? This is a really contentious thing in the US too. I didn’t have strong feelings about it either way but once my son arrived, and except for the few times I just passed out with him there, I found that I couldn’t sleep at all when he was in bed with us. Moving him to a nearby cradle and then eventually to his crib in his own room didn’t warp him too terribly. He rarely does drugs any more and he’ll be off of probation soon.
As to over obsessiveness of new parents…the most insane instance I’ve heard of was from a friend of ours who used to watch his baby boy sleep and count his respirations for hours at a time. That was nuts. He eventually got over that and his now grown son survived just fine now a fancy cross dresser has finally reduced his psychiatric visits to four a week.
The way I move in my sleep I would be scared to death of sleeping with anything small. Hell even girls don’t always like sharing a bed for me.
You guys seem to be doing just great going with your instincts. Go you guys.
Congratulations on your new baby !
Adrian, are you sure those girls mean ‘to sleep’?
And I’m pretty sure, from what I’ve heard, that EVERY set of parents presumes that THEY are the most neurotic in the world. Sounds to me like Bernard is doing just fine, he’s got you fooled already! Soon he’ll have you running around after him as he rings a little bell.
DING DING “Mother, fetch me food and turn on the TV!”
Just my two cents: The sheet in the baby’s bed may be cold to him. We put a fleece blanket on top of the sheet so it would not be cool to the touch when we put the baby in the bed.
Just got the news via Troubled Diva, guys.
Sincere congratulations and all the breast to Bernard!
Oh, he is lovely, Karen !