To Be Honest

I met her at university. We were both lost, looking for the same place, and I kind of took her under my wing. I’ve always felt like she was one of those people who is doomed to make the wrong decisions, over and over again. She seemed naïve when I met her, and no matter what experiences she goes through, she never quite gets it.

I’ve supported her time after time, but I’ve never felt able to rely on her in return. Consequently, I know far more than I want to about her, and she doesn’t really know anything about me. She’s not capable of understanding. I explained myself to her once, how I’d made my decisions, and why I did what I was doing; but I just don’t think she was listening.

And she invariably ignored my advice. She moved in with her boyfriend, when she should have stayed in Halls, so she never got into university life until the last minute; and then she went too far the other way, so I had her crying herself to sleep on the floor of my room, when I was trying to work on my dissertation.

She slept with a mutual friend, who I told her wasn’t any good. He would flirt with just about anybody, and she knew that, but she let him use her. To be honest, I believed him when he told me she’d thrown herself at him.

Making life decisions was never her strong point. I think we’d finished our finals by the time she decided what she was going to do next. Another academic course, to put off the moment of real decision making; and another bunch of unsuitable men.

Then out of the blue, she wants me to be her bridesmaid. Oh, and by the way, she wants me to buy my own dress for the occasion. I wrote her a note politely declining the honour. I gave my reasons in brief, but obviously she wasn’t going to be interested in my position on marriage, if she hadn’t understood it by then.

Her wedding day was pleasant enough. The others went on a bit about her being the first of us to get married, forgetting that I was already divorced when I met them. I knew what they mean, though.

And then, what do you know, she leaves this perfectly nice man for some other bloke. This time I really had to say something, so I wrote, telling her to be really careful, warning her that whatever decision she made now, she would have to live with for the rest of her life.

She didn’t listen.